please stop with your back-to-school ads already

Can you please stop with your back-to-school ads already?  I hate back-to-school.  I have two weeks left of summer and I’d like to enjoy them sitting on my back porch getting drunk, doing nothing, and not hearing about back-to-school all the time.  I don’t care that this is your big pre-school sales season and that you will lose this incredible opportunity to sell Dora backpacks and Bieber pencil sets by the truckload.  I don’t care.  This is still MY summer.  And your back-to-school ads are pissing me off.  I hate back-to-school more than my kid and I’m not even in school.

So, if you could please wait until after Labor Day – maybe around Halloween – to start putting your back-to-school crap on every object everywhere at all times that would be really really excellent.

Thank you.

19 best things about september

Can finally let the dog grow his hair back out.

Not so much incentive to continue chlorinating the pool.

Great chance to see new Fall TV lineup before all shows are cancelled.

Excellent chance to catch up on moping.

Shorts with Velcro no longer ruining all clothes in the laundry.

High holidays always a rockin’ good time.

Less arguing with loved ones re what constitutes sweltering.

Neighbor had way more fireflies than you.

Couch occupied by children miraculously available again.

Harvest season looks promising.

Good time to stock up on batteries for upcoming hurricanes.

No more distracting, scantily clad women everywhere, all the time.

Great opportunity to pro-actively lower expectations for upcoming basketball season.

Irritation over everyone saying that went way too quickly! starting to diminish.

Thrilled to see Congress back in session and really getting some work done.

Not as concerned about whether or not people are effectively recycling their 3-D glasses.

Never had a tan, and don’t care anymore.

Not so bad if you’re an infant.

Reality that we adults never actually had the summer off abundantly clear now.

school announcement

Tuesday night is our annual Underachievers Banquet where we give massive trophies to people who didn’t accomplish much…but were friendly most of the time.

barb

There was something about her.  The way she’d chew her pen and throw it out before the ink exploded. 

And then I’d retrieve the pen and chew where she chewed – even if it did explode.  And then I’d have blue teeth for days.  And people would go eeeuww…  he’s eating Barb’s pens again.  Loser.

school announcement

Next Tuesday is “Obesity Awareness Day.” 

“Obesity Awareness Day” is sponsored by the PTA bake sale.  Three brownies for a dollar!

school announcement

This Tuesday is Celebrate Learning day…followed by next Wednesday’s Learn Just Because You Sort Of Have To day.

please stop with your back-to-school ads already

Can you please stop with your back-to-school ads already?  I hate back-to-school.  I have two weeks left of summer and I’d like to enjoy them sitting on my back porch getting drunk, doing nothing, and not hearing about back-to-school all the time.  I don’t care that this is your big pre-school sales season and that you will lose this incredible opportunity to sell Dora backpacks and Bieber pencil sets by the truckload.  I don’t care.  This is still MY summer.  And your back-to-school ads are pissing me off.  I hate back-to-school more than my kid and I’m not even in school.

So, if you could please wait until after Labor Day – maybe around Halloween – to start putting your back-to-school crap on every object everywhere at all times that would be really really excellent.

Thank you.