10 best things about rosh hashanah

Fewer Manischewitz-related DUIs this year.

Another chance to join elite “I Slept in Temple” club.

After 3 days of non-stop prayer, Apples everywhere unbelievably excited.

Good day to reflect on the suffering of poor, horn-less rams.

Perfect time to rob houses en masse when all Jews simultaneously called to temple.

Solid opportunity to resent fellow Jewish co-worker who took day off to go bowling.

Good over/under on how many middle-age men yell “Tequi-la!” when Cantor blows shofar.

Party hats usable all year round.

When ball drops at midnight, everyone yelling Happy 5778!

Awareness that Rabbi can’t wait for it to end either.

12 best things about rosh hashanah

Fewer Manischewitz-related DUIs this year.

Party hats good all year round.

Another chance to join elite “I Slept in Temple” club.

Dirge-like tunes actually increase lifespan.

Great day to reflect on poor, horn-less rams everywhere.

Highly fortuitous time to rob houses en masse when all Jews simultaneously called to temple.

Opportunity to resent fellow Jewish co-worker who took day off to go bowling.

Finally get to re-use handicap parking tag from when Grandma broke leg three years ago.

Seeing how many middle-age men yell “Tequi-la!” when Cantor blows shofar.

After 3 days of non-stop prayer, Apple beside itself with excitement.

When ball drops at midnight, everyone yelling Happy 5775!

Awareness that Rabbi can’t wait for it to end either.