Scene – JEFF and BETH settle cozily onto the couch with Chinese food and prepare to watch TV. Jeff glances over at Beth, and flirts with her. She flirts back.
JEFF: I’m glad we got to spend more time together this weekend.
BETH: Me too. It’s been great.
They watch TV. Jeff puts his arm around her. They look into each other’s eyes, snuggle closer, as if about to kiss. Suddenly, a screeching, bird-like VOICE comes from offstage.
MOM (OS): Jeff!? Jeff – are you home?!
JEFF: Oh no.
BETH: Maybe if we’re quiet, she’ll go away…?
MOM: Jeff?! Is that you? Are you here?! I love you! It’s your mother, Jeff! Are you in there?
JEFF’S MOM enters in baggy housecoat, and loaded down with several large suitcases. When she talks she sounds like a broken, skipping record.
MOM: There you are! It’s me, Jeff! Your mother! I love you! Who’s this?! Who’s this?!
JEFF: It’s Beth, Mom. You’ve met, like, five times.
MOM: I’m his mother! I love him! Do you love him?
BETH (embarrassed): Uhm…well…uh…
MOM: I love him! I’m his mother!
Alex Bernstein 