barb

I’m quite pleased to announce that my new piece Barb is now up at The Big Jewel.  And just in time for Valentine’s Day!

Here’s a little excerpt:

 

Barb was extremely popular in a way that I was extremely not.

There was something about Barb. The way she chewed her pens and threw them out before the ink exploded. And then I’d retrieve the pens and chew where she chewed, even if they did explode. And then I’d have blue teeth for weeks. And people would go, Eugh. He’s been chewing Barb’s pens again. Loser!

We had a special relationship, me and Barb.

She was always there for me. When I tripped in the hallway, she was there. When I spilled lunch on myself, she was there. When I got shoved into lockers, she was there. And usually helping to change the locks.

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barb

We would have made the perfect couple – me and Barb – as her grace and beauty would have offset my ugliness and awkwardness.

barb

With Barb, the world was not my oyster. The world was the oyster of some guys over at the next table and they were not remotely about to share despite their shellfish allergies.

barb

There was something about her.  The way she’d chew her pen and throw it out before the ink exploded. 

And then I’d retrieve the pen and chew where she chewed – even if it did explode.  And then I’d have blue teeth for days.  And people would go eeeuww…  he’s eating Barb’s pens again.  Loser.

barb

She was out of my league.  Actually, she was in my league but she was a better hitter.  And I always closed my eyes and got hit by the ball.  Although I did get on base a lot that way…

a crush on barb

We had a special relationship, me and Barb. She was always there for me. When I tripped in the hallways, she was there. When I spilled lunch on myself, she was there. When I got shoved into lockers, she was there…and usually helping to change the locks.